The Cost of Always Having "the Answer"

We've gotten really good at being the expert in the room. We're the coach. The consultant. The mentor. The strategist. People come to us for answers, and we're used to delivering.

But here's something many leaders won't admit: We don't always know when to shut up and simply sit with someone.

We're so used to helping that we forget not every moment is ours to fix. Sometimes people don't need our guidance. They just need our presence. And if we don't learn to recognize the difference, we'll end up doing more damage than good—even with good intentions.

Here's where things get tricky for most of us:

We like being helpful. And whether we admit it or not, we like being needed. It feels good to swoop in with the solution or drop that one-liner that shifts everything.

But what if that's not what the moment calls for? What if the person in front of you doesn't need to be coached, challenged, or corrected? What if they just need someone to stay put long enough to hear them?

Could it be that we don't like discomfort? We don't like not knowing what to say? So we default to what's familiar—coaching, teaching, sharing our story—because it helps us feel useful.

But remember that as a Kingdom ambassador in the marketplace – IT'S NOT ABOUT US. It's about the people we are mantled to lead and serve.

Remember when Jesus wept (John 11:35)? Now that's a leadership model we don't witness every day.

Jesus didn't rush into Lazarus' situation with power and performance. He sat with the people. He let them grieve. He allowed Himself to experience the moment with them before He did anything about it.

And He's the only one who had the power to fix it on the spot. If He could pause long enough to feel it before fixing it, then He has empowered us to do the same.

Some Practical Shifts to Help You Lead Better

This doesn't mean you stop leading. It just means you stop defaulting to the same responses that make you feel useful instead of doing what's truly helpful.

So how do we shift this? Here are some ways to move differently:

Pause before you jump in.  That urge to say something? Fix something? Guide the conversation? Slow it down.

Before you open your mouth, ask yourself: "How does this person need to experience God in this moment, and how has He equipped me to facilitate that encounter?"

Not every moment is a tactical assignment. Sometimes you're just supposed to sit with someone without the need to drag them out of it.

When you rush in without asking God what the moment needs, you end up offering your own solution and not Heaven's solution.

Stop making everything a lesson. Although you are a living epistle read of men (2 Corinthians 3:2-3), you are not a walking whiteboard.

When people are vulnerable with you, they likely aren't looking for a bullet-pointed breakdown of what's wrong with them or what spiritual principle they're missing.

You might think you're being helpful, but the constant teaching mode can come off as being cold—especially when someone just needs to be heard.

Instead, try asking, "What's been the hardest part for you?" That one question opens the door for genuine connection that creates trust, as well as space for the Holy Spirit to meet that person where they are.

Stop leading with your story. The moment is not about you. When someone finally opens up, don't hijack their moment with your own highlight reel. Your testimony may be powerful, and there are definitely times when the Holy Spirit prompts you to share it for the purpose of bringing hope into the situation.

However, when your initial response is to start talking about yourself, even if your intentions are good, it can feel like you're shifting the spotlight and minimizing what they're going through. Now they're comparing themselves to you, wondering if they're handling it wrong. Or why they're not bouncing back as fast as you did. Or whether they even have permission to feel how they feel.

Sometimes the most honoring and compassionate thing you can do is keep quiet while simply being present.

Let silence do some of the work. Silence makes a lot of us itch. We've been trained to fill space, to say something helpful, to keep it moving.

But silence isn't a void. It's a container that holds space for people to feel, process, and sometimes even hear God more clearly.

When you rush to fill every gap with words, you might be interrupting the one voice they need to hear—His. Don't be so quick to close out the moment.

Why This Helps You (and Them)

This isn't just about being nice or emotional. This has real impact in your leadership, your relationships, and your results. And it is applicable in the workplace, in families, and in ministry.

• You become someone people trust and feel safe with because they feel valued.

• Misunderstandings are mitigated when you stop assuming and start listening.

• Your teams and relationships strengthen because people feel seen, heard, and know they're safe with you. 

• You create a culture of authenticity and transparency because people now have the freedom to lean into their whole experience in a healthy way. 

• Your discernment sharpens and confusion clears because you're not crowding the room with your own thoughts. 

• You model Jesus—not just in truth but also in grace. 

• You position yourself to hear wisdom from Heaven that you would have missed otherwise.

This Is Kingdom Leadership

Romans 14:17 says the Kingdom of God is about righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. When you slow down and create space for someone to just be, you're making room for the manifestation of the Kingdom of God and for the Holy Spirit to do what only He can do.

And that's authentic Kingdom marketplace ministry.