The 5-Letter Threat to Godly Influence

One of the worst pieces of advice I've ever received came from multi-millionaire experts. I know what you're thinking—how could successful people steer me wrong? Simple: when advice contradicts Kingdom principles, I don't care how much money it makes...it's still terrible advice.

Here's the advice: "People don't know what they need. It's up to you to tell them and make them see what they need."

I've heard this line from some of the biggest voices in business and leadership. More than once. And every time, it makes my skin crawl.

Why? Because here's what I’ve witnessed actually happens when this advice is followed:

You walk into a conversation already knowing what you plan to offer. A program. A service. A system you're comfortable delivering. A selfish agenda. You start talking before asking a single question about what the other person is actually dealing with.

And that's the problem.

What you're offering is often not what the other person is already ready or willing to pay for but rather what you've predetermined you'll convince them to buy. Your ability to serve should be tailored to what the client actually needs and not your own need. Oftentimes a clear signal of their current priority is what they are ready and willing to pay for (without the subtle coercion)—not your offer of preference.

This article is NOT about sales or how to close a deal. It's about something much deeper and significantly more meaningful. It's about the quiet assumption that we already know what people need. The subtle lift of our own perspective above someone else's lived reality and above God's direction.

To sum it up in five letters, it's about pride.

And it's costing you more than you realize.

Can we call this what it is? It's tactical manipulation.

Yes, people hire us for guidance. They need our expertise to help them identify blind spots and develop strategies to overcome them.

But to imply they have no grasp of their own reality?

To position yourself as the authority on THEIR life, THEIR business, THEIR pain?

The source of this is not love.

It's the same spirit that boasts, "I know better than you do about what you're experiencing." It bypasses the other person's wisdom and dismisses their discernment.

Cue the damage.

You waste their time and yours. You spend money and energy on things nobody asked for. You train people not to trust you. And you show them—without saying it out loud—that your idea matters more than their reality.

They may not argue, but they will adjust.

They stop opening up.

They stop considering you for the next opportunity.

They stop believing you actually care.

That's when connection starts to break down. Deals fall apart. Teams check out. And you lose godly influence.

In today's economy, this breakdown happens even faster and costs even more than it used to.

Money is tighter than it used to be. These days, every dollar usually has a job. People are watching every decision more closely. Spending that used to be a no-brainer now gets side-eyed like you're selling a used truck at the neighborhood corner car lot.

Some people still have money to spend without thinking twice. Most don't. Instead, they are weighing every decision, trying to make sure the money they spend actually solves a pressing problem.

When you ignore what someone is ready and willing to pay for, you're essentially telling them their financial priorities don't matter—only yours do.

If your offer doesn't solve a problem they see as urgent, you won't be chosen. Not because it's not good, but because they can't afford to gamble on something that doesn't clearly matter. If they do concede just to get you off their backs, so much for securing them as a repeat client or referral.

Understanding what someone is prepared to invest in is a survival skill in this economy.

A Classic Illustration

In the 1947 Christmas classic, Miracle on 34th Street, Kris Kringle was hired as Santa at Macy's. He was instructed to steer parents and kids toward items the store had pre-selected to sell. The motive was greed. The goal was control, not service.

However, when children asked for toys Macy's didn't carry, Kris told the truth – they just didn't have them. So, he sent them to Gimbels, a direct competitor, because that's where the items could be found.

On the surface, it looked like a terrible business move. Yet, parents appreciated that honesty and integrity so much they became more loyal customers of Macy's. Macy’s sales skyrocketed. Not because customers felt pressured, but because they felt respected.

When people feel understood instead of steered, loyalty follows. And when money is tight, that trust becomes everything.

So why do smart, well-meaning Kingdom leaders keep making this same mistake?

it's not just business

The same types of assumptions show up in relationships, too.

We notice something is wrong. Sometimes we can identify the problem, sometimes it's just a hunch. But instead of digging deeper to understand what's going on beneath the surface, we immediately start trying to fix it—offering advice, taking action, "serving" with all our hearts based on what we THINK the problem is.

We never ask the questions that would give us direction.

Recently, someone questioned my response to something they did for me. They felt unappreciated - like their effort wasn't seen and their service was for naught.

My response (in summary) was simple: I appreciate your passion for [XYZ]. That's good. It's necessary. But that's not my greatest need right now.

They saw something was wrong but never asked me what I wanted or needed. They assumed and then got offended when the reception wasn't as grand as they had hoped.

That's how easy it is to serve from your own perspective while completely missing the actual need in front of you.

And there's a spiritual root to this.

When we assume instead of asking, we step into pride without even realizing it. We put our understanding above another person's reality. Sometimes we even put it above what God is trying to show us.

Proverbs 18:13 teaches: "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame."

Speaking before you understand costs you. Acting on assumptions costs you. Unfortunately, I am guilty of doing this more often than I’d like to admit, especially with those closest to me.

Can we all just repent together?

People don't pay for good intentions. They pay for solutions that address what's happening in their world right now.

If you skip the questions, you miss everything.

here's a strategic disruption:

PAUSE the assumptions.

ASK the right questions.

LISTEN - not to reply but to understand.

MEASURE the return on what you're investing.

This isn't just about money. It's about stewardship. It's about whether the time, energy, resources, and relationships God trusted you with are producing something that matters.

"Be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity." — Ephesians 5:15–16

If you're not sure whether you're operating from obedience or pride, start here. Work through these five questions with brutal honesty:

1. TIME: Where is most of your time going right now?

How much of that time is spent on things nobody actually asked for versus problems someone clearly said they needed solved?

2. ENERGY: What drains you most in your work and relationships?

Is that connected to something that’s actually working, or something you want to work more than it does?

3. INVESTMENT: What was your last major investment of money, effort, or emotional capacity?

Did it solve a real and urgent problem, or one you assumed?

4. ASSUMPTIONS: How often do you act without asking first?

How often have you aimed at a problem that wasn't the real problem? What has that cost you?

5. RESULTS: What is actually producing fruit right now?

What takes the most out of you and gives back the least? If you removed emotion and attachment, would it still be worth it?

THE REAL QUESTION:

If the return does not match the cost of your time, energy, and money, why are you still investing there?

Is it obedience… or is it pride?

Assumption is acting before understanding. Pride is deciding without listening, without checking, without seeking God's direction. A poor return on investment is the natural consequence of both.

A better way is to approach your interactions with one honest question: What do you actually need most right now?

Here's my question for you: What's one assumption you've been making in your business or relationships that you need to challenge?

Drop it in the comments—I'd love to hear your honest reflection.