Decisions, Conflict, & Grandma's Kitchen

Growing up, my grandmother had one non-negotiable rule when it came to her kitchen: stay out unless you were there to help. And she meant it. We knew better than to wander in just browsing or getting in her way. Honestly? I'm the same way when I'm cooking. I don't want anyone hovering or slowing me down.

As leaders, we can slip into that same mindset. But unlike my grandmother who was wisely eliminating unnecessary distractions that could cause a delayed or sabotaged meal - we do it in an unhealthy way without realizing it. "Stay out of my lane. Don't mess with my stuff." We think we're protecting our work, our team, our results. And sometimes, that instinct feels justified.

But that impulse to control the space around us? It's often our flesh talking, not the Spirit. It's the tension between keeping things smooth and accidentally shutting people out, or worse, micromanaging everything. What starts as "good leadership" can quietly turn into flesh-driven control if we're not paying attention.

Real Kingdom leadership isn't about guarding your lane to keep people out. It's about creating space where the Holy Spirit can move through you and through the people tied to your assignment. And that's why Galatians 5 is more than just a devotional passage. It's a leadership manual.

Let's Ground This

Leadership isn't only about strategy, revenue, or hitting goals. It's also about who or what is influencing your decisions and shaping how you show up in relationships. A lot of Kingdom leaders lose ground not because of external opposition, but because of the internal war between the flesh and the Spirit.

Galatians 5 is clear: "The flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other…" (v.17)

When we lead from the flesh, two things almost always take a hit:

• Decision-making

• Relationships

When the Flesh Corrupts Your Decisions

Idolatry: This is when you trust results, reputation, or your own logic more than you trust God. It's giving quiet allegiance to outcomes instead of obedience. Idolatry in leadership doesn't always look like bowing to a golden calf. It looks like making decisions based on what protects your image, secures the deal, or keeps the metrics moving. It's consulting everything except the presence of God. And here's the thing: idolatry feels responsible. It feels like wisdom. But every decision made without seeking Him first becomes an altar to yourself. You're not leading by the Spirit. You're being led by what you can see, measure, or control.

Sorcery (pharmakeia): Not literal spells—but manipulation, pressure tactics, and leaning on things that sound spiritual but aren't rooted in Christ. This is counterfeit influence. It shows up when we try to control environments, manage access, and manipulate outcomes instead of yielding to the Holy Spirit. Remember that "stay out of my lane" instinct? It can quickly shift into a form of control that looks like stewardship but is actually the flesh trying to manufacture order without the Spirit. Anytime you bypass God's presence to force an outcome—or tighten your grip to keep things moving on your terms instead of His—you're stepping into pharmakeia. It works, but it doesn't produce Kingdom fruit.

Selfish Ambition: This one sneaks in when your yes is driven by competition, image, or fear of being left behind. Selfish ambition doesn't always show up as arrogance. It often disguises itself as drive, hustle, or "staying relevant." But when you're moving because you're comparing yourself to someone else's pace, or because you're afraid of being overlooked, you're not being led by the Spirit. You're being fueled by insecurity. The flesh will have you chasing visibility, building platforms, and positioning yourself in rooms God never told you to enter. And the cost? Burnout, misalignment, and assignments you were never meant to carry. Kingdom leaders move by instruction, not by impulse. There's a difference between being ambitious for God and being ambitious for yourself wearing a Jesus jersey.

The Spirit offers something better:

• Faithfulness combats idolatry by keeping you anchored to what God said, even when the results aren't showing yet. It's the fruit that says, "I'm not moving based on what I can see. I'm moving based on what He spoke." Faithfulness refuses to bow to outcomes and keeps you loyal to obedience over applause.

• Self-control dismantles sorcery by stopping the impulse to manipulate, force, or control. It's the pause before you try to "make it happen" on your own strength. Self-control trusts God's timing and refuses to use pressure tactics to manufacture progress. It protects you from becoming the leader who gets results but loses their soul in the process.

• Peace breaks the back of selfish ambition by freeing you from the anxiety of comparison and competition. When peace is leading, you're not scrambling to keep up or prove your worth. You're secure in your assignment. Peace lets you celebrate someone else's win without feeling threatened and lets you rest in your lane without needing to perform for validation.

When the Flesh Sabotages Your Relationships

Conflict isn't always the problem. Sometimes is just plain old carnality. What's the difference?

Conflict is generally external. It's when people have different perspectives, different approaches, or are navigating real tension around actual issues. That's normal. That's workable. That can even be healthy when handled right.

*Side Note: There's also intrapersonal conflict, the battle that happens within you. It stems from ethical dilemmas, conflicting priorities, or the clash between your values and external pressures. When this internal struggle isn't dealt with, it breeds carnality. James 4:1 says it clearly: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" Galatians 5:17 backs it up: the flesh desires what's contrary to the Spirit. When you walk in the flesh instead of submitting to the Spirit, you create external conflict that didn't have to exist.

Carnality is when pride, insecurity, or ego shape your response. A small misunderstanding turns into silent offense. Alignment breaks. Distance sets in. And the enemy loves it when Kingdom leaders isolate, resent, and withdraw.

Paul names the traps: strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, rivalries, dissensions, envy. These don't always show up with a grand announcement. They creep in quietly when we draw conclusions without conversations and build narratives in our heads that God never authored.

The Spirit produces different fruit in leadership: kindness, gentleness, peace, love. These aren't soft skills. They're warfare skills. Every time you choose a Spirit-led response over offense or ego, you shut down the enemy's plan to fracture Kingdom unity.

Practical Takeaways for Kingdom Leaders

• Audit your decisions. Where are you leaning on the flesh in the name of "excellence" or "protecting your lane"?

• Pay attention to patterns. Are you truly in conflict, or has carnality disguised itself as justified frustration?

• Pause before reacting. Ask yourself, "What would a Spirit-led response look like right now?"

• Lean into the Spirit's fruit. Faithfulness, self-control, peace, kindness, gentleness, love. These aren't optional. They're proof that your leadership is yielded to the Spirit of God.

Jesus didn't just reconcile us to God. He entrusted us with the ministry of reconciliation. That means leadership and relationships aren't side topics. They're central to your Kingdom assignment.

If your leadership style isolates, frustrates, or divides, even if your output looks impressive, something's off. No platform or performance is worth losing alignment with the Spirit.

Ready to Lead from a Different Place?

If you want a space where you can recalibrate, process in real time, and lead with Spirit-led clarity, join The Disruptor's Council™. This is where Kingdom leaders sharpen one another and dismantle the enemy's strategies in both business and leadership.

Join here